I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
