Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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