we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
