i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
