Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
