just tell him i said nine months
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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