I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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