OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
