You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
