is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
