id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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