I hate your face
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
