i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Randomize
