How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
