CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
