woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
