I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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