I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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