hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just threw up on my dentist
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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