Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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