Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
