There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
