i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
