sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
