I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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