I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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