Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
