Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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