my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
