you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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