the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
