I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
