toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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