he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
