I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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