it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
