Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
