i permit you to call me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The power of my boobs compel you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
