I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
