At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
