Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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