your parents love me but you hate me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
