I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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