Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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