Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
