:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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