Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
