Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
