:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
