Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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