Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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