Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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