I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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