I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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