your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
