Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
